The great thing about Glasgow now is that if there is a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards"
- Billy Connolly

"Each section of the British Isles has it's own way of laughing, except the Wales, which doesn't"
- Stephen Leacock

"Of course, America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up"
- Oscar Wilde

"Apart from cheese and tulips, the main product of Holland is advocaat, a drink made from lawyers."
- Alan Coren

"To live in Australia permanently is rather like going to a party and dancing all night with your mother"
- Barry Humphries

"Continental people have a sex life; the English have hot-water bottles."
- George Mikes, Hungarian writer, How To Be an Alien, 1946

"The land of my fathers, and my fathers can have it"
- Dylan Thomas on his homeland, Wales.

"America is the only nation in history which has miraculously gone directly from barbarism to degeneration without the usual interval of civilisation"
- Georges Clemenceau

"Australia may be the only country in the world in which the term "Academic" is regularily used as a term of abuse"
- Dame Leonie Kramer

"No one can be as calculatedly rude as the British, which amazes Americans, who do not understand studied insult and can only offer abuse as a substitute."
- Paul Gallico, US writer